Welcome to my new blog series, in which I will be writing about therapy from the perspective of a client. Please note that, although inspired and informed by my many years of working with clients from all walks of life, all the clients, names, characters, businesses, places, events, and incidents are entirely fictional. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
Jennifer's mum had scheduled the appointment, calling the week before. "She just hasn't been the same since" she explained, tearfully. "We just want our girl back". At the appointment, Jennifer, 16, sat nervously on the edge of her seat, staring at the floor and picking her nails. Her mum explained that Jennifer had, until the age of 14, been a happy, carefree girl, passionate about football, doing well academically, and had a wide circle of friends. But when she was 15, the family was involved in a car accident. Since then Jennifer had been withdrawn, isolating from friends, quitting the football team and refusing to see her friends. Her teachers said she with distracted in class, her grades were falling, and she was uncharacteristically snappy with staff who brought this up with her. She was snappy at home too, frequently yelling at her mum and little brother, and locking herself in her room. Jennifer's mum said she had tried to talk to her, tried threats, rewards, ignoring her, but nothing changed. "It's her GCSE year" she said "I'm worried she's going to fail when she had so much potential! And I cant take the arguments any more. It's like she's a different person. What do we do?"
Adolescence is already a period of immense change, a time for young people to shape the way they see themselves, the world, and their relationships in it, and the experience of trauma can make this period even harder. Trauma doesn't have to be a one time event, it can be a collection of events, such as growing up in an unstable home, bullying, or loss, and can have a profound impact on how teenagers feel about
themselves and the world. Trauma can have a literal impact on brain development making it harder to regulate emotions, trust others, or focus on important things like school or relationships. A lot of what Jennifer's mum described sounded like classic symptoms of trauma. This can include withdrawal, anxiety, irritability, difficulty concentrating, risk taking behaviour, nightmares or difficulty sleeping. Recognising these symptoms, and wanting change, is the first step towards getting help.
Jennifer's mum was undoubtably concerned, caring, and wants the best for Jennifer. At the same time, adolescents sometimes have things bottled up they just cant say to parents, whether its hard to explain, a sense of shame or embarrassment, a striving for independence, wanting to protect a parents, or belief that parents just cant understand teenagers worlds. So we asked Mum to take a seat outside, and gave Jennifer an opportunity to share what was happening for her. "Jennifer, Mum gave us an idea of what she thinks is going on. Mum's are sometimes great, but they don't always know everything. Was she on the right track, or way off?". Jennifer nodded slightly, still looking at the floor. Over the session we explored more. How she had thoughts about the accident come into her head that she just couldn't get rid of. How she had thoughts people she loved might die. How she felt powerless in a dangerous world. How she hated herself for yelling at mum, but felt so terribly, terribly angry and didn't know what to do with this unfamiliar emotion that had taken residence inside her and exploded out, making her feel even worse.
Everything Jennifer described, in her own words and explanations, again pointed towards a completely normal reaction to a trauma. When Jennifer heard that, she admitted she had thought she was "going mad, or maybe bad" and that knowing this was a normal reaction to an abnormal event, helped a tiny bit. We explored how talking can help make sense of our experiences, and help develop tools to cope with feelings - not just about the accident, but really valuable tools to take into the future to cope with any challenges she might encounter there. We explored how different therapies like CBT, ACT, or EMDR could help her process the memories so that they became just a chapter in her life that she could access when she wanted, and close away when she didn't.
Jennifer's mum was a great ally in the journey forward. We helped Jennifer and her mum make a safe space Jennifer could express all her emotions - even that anger that boiled up - and feel validated and listened to. Jennifer's mum learnt she had to be patient, that healing would take some time, and that her demonstrating this as well as her own self-care and resilience modelled ways of coping to Jennifer. Through therapy, Jennifer was able to process the traumatic memories, and discovered that as she learnt more ways to cope with overwhelming thoughts and emotions, they turned up less and less. She found herself feeling more able to focus, reengaged with school and her friends, and by the end of the year had re-joined her football club. For Jennifer, healing from trauma as a teenager, although challenging, gave her an increased sense of strength, resilience, and confidence that she could cope with future challenges.
Please note that Jennifer's story is entirely fictional, inspired by my years of working with adolescents and adults. The information about mental health, psychological therapy, and recovery from trauma is entirely based on current evidence-based knowledge and guidelines. Images are created using AI. If you would like more information or support please contact myself or any of the organisations listed on the Contact tab.
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