Welcome to my blog series, in which I will be writing about therapy from the perspective of a client. Please note that, although inspired and informed by my many years of working with clients from all walks of life, all the clients, names, characters, businesses, places, events, and incidents are entirely fictional. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
Alanna had been considering therapy for years, but every time she came close to making an appointment she convinced herself she was being silly. "What do you need therapy for?" said the voice in her head "There is plenty of people worse off than you. You need to stop being so silly. Get over yourself!". It's a familiar echo we hear, the client isn't quite sure why they're there, a loved one suggested it, where do they start, things are okay, really, but yet, here they are.
Alanna had finally come to therapy after an incident at work, where, in her words "I totally lost it at the new guy. Like, absolutely screamed at him. I'm so embarrassed, it's just not me". Alanna had been working in her company for over 10 years. She loved her job, it gave her a sense of purpose and drive. "Well, I did, until Dave joined. He's supposed to work with me, but he's so arrogant and full of himself, always talking over me and dismissing my opinions. He patronises me, and I can't stand him! But I shouldn't have yelled at him. That was so unprofessional. What if I loose my job?"
Over the first session we explored Alanna's past some more. She explained how growing up was tricky. She experienced her father as an angry man, who drank too much and took his frustration out on Alanna and her mum. Trauma can have a way of sticking with us, even when the event(s) are long in the past. It's effects can show up in the most unexpected ways, disrupting our life, relationships and sense of wellbeing. So why is Alanna still being affected, even if, as she says, it's in the past, and she thought she had moved on? "I dont even see my father any more". She said "My parents got divorced, we moved away, and I never think about him now".
Unresolved trauma happens when a painful experience isn't fully processed. The emotional impact can stay with us long after the initial event, impacting on how we function. Hints might include a constant sense of anxiety, mood swings, irritability, depression, feeling numb, intrusive thoughts, avoiding people and places, difficulty concentrating, and can even show up physically as chronic pain, insomnia, or other unexplained health challenges.
When a trauma happens, particularly to a young person, it is normal to bury painful memories to emotionally protect ourselves. This might be a useful short term strategy, but in the long term the trauma can linger just below the surface. This can impact on our relationships, making it difficult to emotionally connect, or trust others. "Well", Alanna reflected, "My friends do say it's hard to know the real me. I often don't trust people". This attempt at protecting ourselves from being hurt can work, but again in the short term, making it harder to feel deeply connected to others, and ourselves.
Alanna engaged in EMDR, which is an evidence based therapy that helps us process traumatic memories and reduce the past's emotional grip on our lives. She used the time between sessions to build emotional awareness and skills in managing triggering situations - like Dave. Over time she noticed that Dave affected her less, and noticed herself building more trusting and connected relationships with her friends. Her colleagues commented on how she seemed more confident, and she described feeling lighter than she had in years.
Unresolved trauma can be a heavy burden to carry, and sometimes we've been carrying it so long, we don't really notice any more until it reaches out and impacts on us in unexpected ways. With guidance and support, you can move forward and regain control of your life. If you recognise any of these signs in yourself, please do reach out to my practice to discuss how therapy might be able to help you heal from unresolved trauma.
Please note that Alanna's and Dave's story is entirely fictional, inspired by my years of working with adolescents and adults. The information about mental health, psychological therapy, and recovery from trauma is entirely based on current evidence-based knowledge and guidelines. Images are created using AI. If you would like more information or support please contact myself or any of the organisations listed on the Contact tab.
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